I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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