smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
