i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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