smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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