she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize