first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
