i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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