I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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