I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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