Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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