Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
