legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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