I want to make a zoo with you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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