He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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