you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
