I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
