Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
