Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
