Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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