i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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