and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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