Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
