Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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