actually, I'm a sock model
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
