wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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