Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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