I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
