My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
