I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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