My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
