Non-Jews are for practice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
