I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
