Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
