Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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