If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
