he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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