At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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