I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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