fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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