No awkward lesbian experiences without me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
