Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
