Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
