hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's like iHOP with fire
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
