I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
