1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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