Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
