you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
