yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
