By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
