i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
