I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
