singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
