Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
