hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
