fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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