yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
