Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
