I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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