I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
