I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
