I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
