im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
