I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
