she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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