he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i love accidental penises.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
