i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
