Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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