I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
